Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Crazy Pills and Irony

There's nothing I like more than some good irony. I once saw some children in front of a store with a box of kittens, and the sign on the box read: FREE KITTENS - $1.00 EACH. I still laugh about that one. When I was working for Springville City, we purchased large quantities of envelopes. I was helping Accounts Payable by stuffing checks into envelopes and quickly realized that the remittance slip the ENVELOPE COMPANY had sent was about a half an inch too big to fit in their own REMITTANCE ENVELOPE.

Anywho... last Thursday, my dear friend, Suz (Of Jason, Suz and the Grunts) called me to chat, and during that chat we somehow got on the topic of my "crazy" pills (antidepressants). She suggested that I blog about my "crazy" pills, so here I go...

I became clinically depressed around the age of 13. Since I didn't have a traumatic childhood or anything, I'm convinced it was simply a combination of chemical imbalance and hormonal swings. I have been on some form of "crazy" pills or another on and off since I was 20. During the time I was with my abusive second husband, I didn't take "crazy" pills because HE didn't believe in them. For the last four years, I haven't been depressed... even without the "crazy" pills (funny how losing everything will really change one's perspective on life). However, I have been diagnosed with PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) due to the abuse I was subjected to for six years (no, people, you don't have to be a war veteran to have PTSD). The "crazy" pills I had had the most success with way back when were not cutting it with regard to the PTSD. So my doctor changed it up and put me on something that worked better.

I was telling Suz that I really only take the "crazy" pills for my kids' sake. If I were alone, my meltdowns wouldn't bother anyone. And if it were just Corbin and me, he could always leave the house if my meltdowns were too much for him to deal with. But my little girls are kind of stuck with me (at least for a few more years), and I can't imagine how much my meltdowns affect them. So, I take the "crazy" pills and my big meltdowns are few and far between.

Here comes the irony part. I was telling Suz that if I miss one dose, it doesn't really make much of a difference, but if I miss two days in a row, WATCH OUT. So what do I end up doing Friday night? I fell asleep at 7:00 and didn't take my "crazy" pill. Then I just plain forget to take my "crazy" pill Saturday night. Sunday, I felt so disconnected and weird (and not in the GOOD way)... it was kind of like "medicine head". I didn't know what I should be doing and couldn't think of how to do anything. I had trouble concentrating on simple tasks, the effects of that pesky serotonin not linking up like it should. I couldn't focus. I was literally driving myself to distraction. And then Penelope ended up bearing the brunt of it all because she wanted attention while I was trying to focus on something. I snapped at her, and yelled at her. This was irony at its WORST, my friends. I made damn sure to take my "crazy" pill Sunday night.

The after effects still lingered Monday morning, fighting the girls to get dressed and go to daycare/school, but by Monday night, all seemed normal (or normal for me anyway) again. I accept that I am a chemically-imbalanced, hormonal bitch; that I must seek outside help in the form of antidepressants; and that I am a much more balanced and calm person if I just take my "crazy" pills each and every day.

1 comment:

Inez (suz) said...

Watchout don't miss them little pills whe your PMS is at its peak, it is just great when my older kids start arguing with me and say, "have you been taking your "crazy" pills?" Glad to say that they don't have to say that too much any more. I am on a low dose, there are times I CAN go without or need a wee bit bigger dose. However the dose of exercise is a best "crazy" pill ever. I get a cases of OCD about it sometimes, but I can deal with the day alot easier if I do exercise even if it is just a short 30 min. walk. Those walks are even more affective when the SUN is out.