Blame Vs. Acceptance

BLAME

Women who have been abused often blame themselves for the bad things that have happened to them... things that are not their fault. In addition, others may have blamed them for being abused. In this society, women are often blamed and made to feel guilty for bad things that have happened to them. This lowers their self-esteem and can get in the way of healing and recovery. The following are some of the situations in which women feel they are to blame for the abuse:

~ I was my fault because I was wearing that dress or those shoes, and because I put on makeup.

~ It was my fault because I didn't keep quiet.

~ It was my fault because I cried too much.

~ It was my fault because I didn't keep the house clean enough.

~ It was my fault because I went out with my friends.

AND ON AND ON AND ON AND ON AND ON.... like hamsters running in wheels in your brain until you drive yourself nutso. You get the picture.



ACCEPTANCE

Sometimes you may feel as though you are stuck... you can't do the things that you want to with your life because of memories, symptoms, thoughts, feeling, and life circumstances that are either a direct or indirect result of the abuse. You may feel as though you are losing your whole life to the abuse. The following are acceptance statements that you can keep to help you through difficult times:

~ I accept the abuse as part of my life story. My journey in working to get over the effects of this abuse has made me strong. Now I am in charge of my own life. I am going to do whatever I need to do to make my life the way I want it to be.

~ The things that happened to me were terrible and should never have happened to me. But they did. Now it is time to get my life back... to be the kind of person I want to be and do the things I want to do.

~ The abuse happened in the past. I am no longer being abused. I am in charge of my life and I am doing the things I want to do. I never have to live that way again.

~ The abuse was then. This is now. I am doing good work in getting over the effects of the abuse. I am ready to move on with my life.